Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize