Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is Oprah even human
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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