A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
