I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
