eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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