I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
