where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
