the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
