Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
