Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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