Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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