Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
