No stitches, just platelets and will power
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
