Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
