the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
