You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
