I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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