I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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