So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you win again, gameday.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
