I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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