Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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