Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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