Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
