How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
