he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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