Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
