Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
