alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
