PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
