If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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