i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
