tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
