I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
