You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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