If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
