as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
