Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
