I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
