Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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