Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
