I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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