mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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