my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
