You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
