bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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