dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
