I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
