I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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