Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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