Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
