I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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