My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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