shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
