Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
