I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
