you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
