we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
