weddingsv make me drug and hornr
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
