talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
