Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
