mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
