i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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