So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
