If that was your dad, he is hot
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
