sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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