The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
