Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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