And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
