I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
