You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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