my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
