Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
