Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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