Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
