Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
