allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
another moral hangover. fuck.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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