just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
