youre lurking in front of me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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