I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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