Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
