I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
